Dear my best friend,
How are you? It's been a long time since the last time we met. I hate that time, when all I can saw is your hurting eyes, starring right through me. You barely talk, and the only pain I could taste is from your eyes, where all the tears seems trapped up there. I hate it, so much, when I have to see you that way. I hate that day, the last time we met. How are you, now? I miss you, my friend.
Do you remember the very first time we knew each other? Oh yes, I deeply hated you. You are a weird stranger who left me with all unexplained story and a big question mark in my head. I hate you for made me questioning. Do you remember when I madly text you intensely, furious enough to punch you in the face. I really, really, hated you. That's the first time I knew you. We met by chance, and turned into friends. After I knew you better, getting closer each and every day with you, that question mark is gone. You feed me with all the thoughts that haunted me before. And the most important thing is, you made me have faith. When we first met, I had no idea you would be so important to me. I hate that I love you for that, my friend. You made me believe, again.
Do you remember that you're so noisy around me? You sucks, my friend! You always tell me the same story over and over again. We had a billion long chat, instant messaging every single day, and not to mention every phone call you made to me if you getting your nerves. Well, I did the same thing, though. You are my trash bin also, for this life is getting complicated, and we both have to face the real life moment so called 'a quarter life's crisis'. You were there for me, as I always stood up for you.
When in pain, emotionally or -literally- physically, who's I ran into? It was you. When I desperately need a shoulder to lean on, you were there. I called you across the island when I had a nightmare with my love relationship. You're phone number is the first contact popped up in my mind when I get sick and nobody there to drop me to the hospital. You always ready to offer me a hand.
That kinda' remind me of the night when you 'kidnapped' me. You took me to that cafe and we talk all night long. You said that you want to tell me a story that never been told before. Nobody, not even anyone, ever knew that story, and you trusted me to hear that, me and I only. A very long stories about your life, begin from your childhood times until now. Your feelings, your hope, your family, your relationships, your faith, your pain, your dreams. You talked a lot for hoursssss. We even ordered food twice and drinks many times I don't even remember, until the cafe is about to closed. It's a long chat, and it's damn boring my friend! Feels like I am forced to read a thick biography books!
But still, I know it's important for you too pulled it out from your mind. Besides, you are my best friend. You've been there when I need someone to talk, so I did the same. I just take it easy when after that long chat, you continue 'kidnapped' me driving aimlessly around the town, until midnight. We share our thoughts and silence in your car. Do you remember that? I can't help you with my 'wise words' that you want from me, I just hope you relieved with my company, that's all I can do for you, always beside you no matter how boring our conversation was, and no matter what.
You introduced me to melody that accompanied my lonely day, when I had my very first job. I was scared, a little girl in a big foreign city. I was alone. But I never felt empty. You were always there. We do this long-distance-relationship very well. You accompany me with the songs, the phone call, the dreams we share together intensely in our message chat. Do you remember when I gave you song in return? The title is "Count On Me" by Bruno Mars. I dedicated that song to you. :-)
Sometimes when you feel uncomfortable with the environments around, you came to me. You told me that I suit you best because we have a lot of things in common. We born from the same 'atmosphere', you said. That's why my place is where you feel the most comfortable zone in this city. Later then I realize, no wonder you eagerly want to have a future wife that belong to my circle, am I right? That may happened because you see something in me that you want to have. You don't want me anyway, you just desperately want the same comfort zone, a suitable person to marry with. Your adventure of finding love never stop, because you barely meet the perfect girl. Sometimes you feels like you want to give up. I told you to take a little rest, loosen up a little, but never lose hope. Because I know you have your quality. Any clever girl would easily falling for you, and if she does, I believe that she is a lucky girl. Because I believe in you, my friend.
I always thought that you always took an inspiration for me. Do you
remember that you always want to go wherever I go? I want to study
abroad, you want it too. My man want to working abroad after his master,
you want it too. I told you I want to move from this city after I get
married, you said you want to come after us, too! You're inspired every
time I spill out my dreams. But now I think that YOU are my inspiration.
You are one of the reason why I keep moving forward. I want to taste a
successes with you. I want to show you if I could, and then you could
do it, also.
When I scared to death -literally-, I always remembered your words to me. I could be a forgetful person many times, but I will never forget this, when once you had told me that we won't die this young. We talked about something I couldn't remember, but I can picture it clearly when you said it- you faithfully says; "Don't worry Ras, never be afraid, we won't die too soon. We still have a lot of tasks from our God to be done in this world, so, He won't made us die this young." Do you remember that, my friend? I always keep that in mind, and your words stuck in my head when sometimes I get scared of the thoughts of being dead. I raise again whenever I fall. You made me have faith, once again.
An odd thing occurs. I never told you about this. But did you know, that
I can feel your heat when you and I are close to each other? I tell you a
secret, it rarely happens. When a woman can feel a body heat of a man
near them, it means that the man is comfortable with the woman. Okay, for
exact words in the article I read, it said that it is a sign of a man likes
you, so his heat is comes out over his body and the only one that can
sense it is the woman he likes. Weird, isn't it??? I can feel your heat
if you're close to me! Damn fucking weird. But I know you didn't like me
that way. I knew it. I just think, maybe it happens because we feel
comfortable near each other. If it's true, then I think it's kinda' sweet. What
do you think? Oh, I know you never think that way, you're the most cold
hearted guy on earth, haha!!
Do you remember when my man asked you, if someday something happen to him, you are the only one that he trusted to took care of me? You were that important to him, also.
Another odd thing. We have this weird relationship. Do you remember the time
when you said to me that man and woman can't be a close friends? You
told me, that kind of relationship is bullshit. No one can handle the
intentions of desire, lust, and love when it comes to man and woman
friendship. Unless, you told me, unless there is another intention in
the relationship, but it usually doesn't get along well any longer, too. Either the business is over or it turn into lust eventually. Man and woman can't be a best-friend. BUT we can, can't we?? I clearly
remember when you told me the other day that you never ever have a girl
best friend like me. I smiled. I'm proud for being the one and only in
your life.
You and I had prove that there always an exception
in every case. We are the 1 amongst 1 zillion people on earth who can
do this friendship. I will not lie, I do love you. But I love you in a
sincere way, no further desire. Maybe you don't love me that much,
maybe because you are heartless (to me) made a perfect reason why we can
be best friend, maybe you don't care to me that much. I don't care. As
long as we can have this friendship eternally, that's enough.
Not
only good times. We've gone through bad times, too. Do you understand my
behavior to you when I'm angry with you, my friend? You may not. You
may not care, either. But I want to tell you this. I never put my mask
in front of you. I can't be fake around you. So please don't take my
silence for ignorance. If you feel I am really quiet, especially to you,
that was because I actually really cared about you. I want you to
finish this marathon of life independently. All I want is you, to be
yourself, and happy.
What I love the most about you is, you once burn the flame inside me. You passionately share your dreams to me. Your heat makes me feel alive. I never felt that useful and powerful before. You made me have guts. You told me that money CAN buy us happiness, but money CAN'T buy you any guts.You made me believe. Did I said that you made me have faith? I will say it again. You made me have faith, the most precious important thing that someone could have.
You take me fly up high in the sky, but you also remind me to always step my foot on the ground. You remind me to never being attached with all the material things in this tiny world, because the lost can be really scary and hurt badly if you feel you 'own' something. It is better to own nothing but God inside, you said.
I'm sorry my friend, I failed in that one. Look at me now. This is my biggest flaws, my weakness when I love someone, when I feel that I 'have' you. I love you too much. I'm already getting attached to you.
But you went away......... How dare you..?! I miss you... They say I'll be OK, but I'm not ever get... over you.**
I cried my heart out. I sometimes even had you in my sleep, in my dream. Nobody would understand how much you meant to me, nobody would know how much I miss you, not even you. Is it too late for me now to say that you were this important to me? To say that you are very sucks and annoying, but I love you, still.
I do love you, my friend.
Please comeback soon... Burn the universe again with your heat! Carved our memories in your heart, and let's share our dreams together... Because I know, you're there. Forever, I will always pray for you.
Till' we meet again...
Love,
- Your one and only girl best friend -
**Over You - Cassade Pope / Miranda Lambert
