"I'D MADE IT THIS FAR AND REFUSED TO GIVE UP
BECAUSE ALL MY LIFE
I HAD ALWAYS FINISHED THE RACE"
- Louis Zamperini (Taken from Miracles by Coldplay)
Do you believe in miracle? Do you still keep your hope up when suddenly everything stops, like when one day life tells you that you're having a cancer? I do. I believe in God. What could possibly keep you going through the battle, if not the desperate of hope in a little thing called miracle?
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| My miracle :) |
2.5 years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I was in the middle of my most productive age when the doctor told me that I am having a blood cancer, only two days after I handed my dissertation for my postgraduate degree. I was alone, lying down in a hospital ward full of strange people in a strange country, where my family were (literally) thousands miles away. Up until know, I don't know how I got the strength a second after the doctor finish her first sentence "Laras, I'm sorry to tell you that you are having a blood cancer". I didn't cry. I didn't shock. I didn't blame anyone or anything, and I refuse to take a responsibility of it. No one deserve cancer. I just sat still and my mind told myself right away that "Don't be afraid, if God say so, anyone can die anytime, with or without cancer".
2.5 years after that, I still have the same strength and hope. My life might changes dramatically, I could no longer have the job I wanted or ambitiously travel the world on my own anymore, I might never had a chance to get a scholarship abroad and winning the best dissertation award again, I was snooze on my most productive age. But that doesn't stop me to believe in God. I still hang in there, alive, just because I still have the mission: I want to be the living proof that God's miracle is exist.
Alhamdulillah, my treatments went well, all the routine scan showed that my body is now cancer-free, doctor finally told me that I got my remission. I couldn't thank God more. Until one day, just after I had my last scan, I feel something different with my body. My period was late. Well, it's not something very peculiar considering that two months before my period cycle also not in place, not to mention that chemotherapy itself had stop my period for months. But now I feel the urge to pay a visit to the doctor again. I thought, "what else now".......
....surprisingly, the USG scan showed that I am pregnant.
My husband and I were shocked. We didn't see it coming. We've been married for 3.5 years, 1 year apart and 2.5 years struggling with cancer and (still) long-distance-marriage, we never expected this. We've been trying effortlessly, and we barely know anything about "Trying-To-Conceive Program". Being pregnant. For some people, it might just an ordinary event. For another, it's probably a miracle, something that they longing for a very long time. For us? It is more than miracle. If you understand how the battle (just to be alive) of it, you might understand how the feeling really was. It was unbelievable and we couldn't thanking God enough for this.
Now, I am 7 months pregnant. It took me a long time to write and post this because at first I don't have the courage to share the stories. On the one side I still terrified (in a good way), I don't know where will this be going, but on the other side I simply want to inspire people out there who's looking for hope.
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| Can't wait to see you! |
A wise man once said,
Hope... Sometimes that's all you have when you have nothing else. If you have it, you have everything.
I know, it's still a looong way to go.. I still don't know where it will be going, I could only hope for the best. But once again, God has prove me that He works in a very unique way.
Never stop believing in yourself. Most importantly, never ever stop believing in God.
You know what? It might sounds cliche, but I think it sounds cliche because it's true:
God's miracle do exist :)
